My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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