i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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