She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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