I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
