Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
