I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize