You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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