she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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