just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
