my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
