girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
