I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
