God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
