As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
