i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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