Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
