Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
