We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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