Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
