"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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