i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
