the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
