found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The Olympian is in my bed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
