Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
