hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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