She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
