i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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