new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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