I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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