I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
