Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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