You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
