Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
