oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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