well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
