I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
