Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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