Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
