You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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