We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
