i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
