i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
