He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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