before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Vodka?
Forever.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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