guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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