I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
