I am in a vortex of obligation.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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