He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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