I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
