According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
