i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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