Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just had sex on a roof
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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