wrigley field is MILF paradise
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My underwear smells like fireworks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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