You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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