1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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