Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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