you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
