so explain again why im purple
no
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
