we have pet lesbian snakes
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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