theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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