Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
