Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize