oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
