I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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