I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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