Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
